Coffee, Books & Yoga

Well, we did it! I walked straight into my appointment today and the first thing I made clear was that we do not want to know the baby’s sex. And bada bing…easy peazy! The tech was super careful treading around areas where I otherwise may have been able to sneak a peek (read: she didn’t even turn off the screen and just told us to look away and we STILL stayed strong!) And so many friends encouraged any weaknesses I may have brought into the room by affirming their own personal beliefs that it’s cool as f*ck to wait.

But is it, really? Cool as f*ck to wait?

Honestly, I’m completely shocked that I was able to muster up enough self-discipline to keep it unknown. This is my third pregnancy, and we found out the baby’s sex immediately with both boys. With Malcolm, I even opted for the early chromosomal test, which is 100% accurate and tells you as early as 12 weeks.

I’ve been pretty vocal this time about keeping the gender a surprise, and I’ve realized that it’s a pretty black and white divide when it comes to who would and wouldn’t partake in this…torture. 😉 I use that word quite deliberately because I used to be the one that thought not finding out baby’s sex was absolutely ludicrous. How could someone be so selfish as to make us all wait? I gave one of my girlfriends a HARD eyeroll when she told me she wasn’t finding out the sex of the baby, and insisted on coming to her appointment so that I could persuade her OB to tell me…just me.

In not finding out the sex of my own baby, I had a few other concerns tempting me in my decision to wait. As you are probably aware, I love taking the perfect birth announcement photo at the hospital. I always bring a special keepsake to photograph with baby. This time, I have my heart set on the most gorgeous ever hand-embroidered namesake blankets from one of my favorite small shops. So now I’m literally losing sleep at night wondering how I’m going to have one of these special blankets made if I can’t tell the maker the baby’s name. And how am I going to tell her the baby’s name if I don’t even know whether the baby is a boy or a girl? First world problems, okay?

My work-around: I told the ultrasound tech that we didn’t want to know the baby’s gender, but I did tell her to turn off the screen, take a look, and then secretly write down BOY or GIRL in a sealed/secure envelope. And now I’m mailing said envelope off to this magic blanket maker with my boy name AND my girl name (which happens to be the same name, just spelled differently depending) and she’s going to whip it up for me, send it back, and we’ll get to wait to open it until after the baby is born at the hospital. How awesome is that?

Full disclaimer, though: WHO CARES! If you’re a control freak like me and hate surprises and really want to find out early…do it. It’s still super exciting at the ultrasound to find out whether it’s a boy or a girl, and can be even more fun to plan and execute a creative gender reveal party for all of your friends and family. And, if you’re one of those that truly believes that waiting to find out is the single greatest surprise of all time, then hats off to you, too. I’ve never been in that second camp of people, but I’m super excited to find out if it really is the best surprise ever.

Reasons For Waiting

We went back and forth up until the very SECOND we were asked if we wanted to know, so I get it. I have my good reasons for not finding out though, and none of them are because I love surprises.

• People always ask if you have a gender preference when you’re pregnant. I never did. I truly just prayed for a healthy baby, and the sex didn’t matter to me whatsoever. I have two boys who I love more than anything in the world, mostly because of how much boys adore their mamas. That being said, this is the first time I actually do have a preference. I really, really want a girl this time. If I’m at my ultrasound and they tell me I’m having another boy, I have this deep ugly fear that I’d be disappointed. And thinking about being disappointed makes me feel really, really guilty. Because what kind of mother is disappointed in finding out her own baby’s sex? Oh hi, me. Capable, brave, courageous, strong, powerful, human ME! That same me that would be disappointed in finding out that #3 is another boy has also delivered two babies in the most amazing, exhilarating births. And if I wait…and I have no idea whether this living, kicking babe is a he or a she, I am 100% positive that not even an ounce of disappointment would enter my thoughts when I reach down and pull up my sweet, healthy baby after a long labor of love, HE or SHE.

• Throwing myself under the bus here: I love to shop. My nesting season in pregnancy hits HARD and I love nothing more than scouring the Internet for unique things to fill up my baby’s nursery…and closet. That being said, my husband and I are on the course to BUY our very first home together (we’ve been renting all these years) before the next baby comes, and the amount of money I’m NOT going to be spending by not knowing the gender is the best reason of them all to stay in the dark with this one. I’m irresponsible, okay? Yes, I need that baby headband in all three fabric types and 25 different colors. And yes, I’ll take that $200 special breathable cosleeper thingy that definitely makes the baby sleep 10 hours straight. Shoot me.

• On a semi-related note, since this baby is due before my oldest turns 3, that means I am going to have THREE babies under the age of three. And that means that there is literally NOTHING (other than lots of clothes if baby is a girl) that we absolutely need in order to bring another baby into this world. We have all of the furniture, all of the gadgets, all of the essentials. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit panicked that I don’t have any girl clothes, but how fun is it going to be if it’s a girl to go shopping once she’s born for all the cute little outfits? And if baby is a boy? Then we (and he) are lucky because he has no less than 20 bins of barely worn hand-me-downs from two brothers who love to share…kind of. 😉

• I’m just as active and into social media as the next person. Just kidding. You know I’m WAY more active and into social media than most. 😛 I love creating the perfect pregnancy announcement, a fun way to reveal baby’s gender, and announcing our newest addition for my whole happy network of friends and family and even strangers that I’ve grown to love interacting with solely in the social sphere. So selfishly, not finding out the gender is a pretty dang cool way of keepin’ y’all totally interested in my birth, right? Not that you wouldn’t be otherwise. But if you knew that I was having X or Y, baby’s due date, baby’s name, and every last detail, then when the baby is born it’s like, “Oh, Carla had Malcolm. He’s so cute!” But…if you’re anything like me while I was recently waiting to find out whether a few close friends of mine had a BOY or a GIRL, nothing beats that excitement and anticipation. It’s exciting for me to be the very first person present at my own baby’s gender reveal party, but it’s also REALLY exciting for you not to know. Because now my due date is going to come (and probably go…since I always deliver late) and you’re gonna be at the edge of your seat like: WHAT DID SHE HAVE ALREADY?!?!?! We’re all in this together, and in a world of instant gratification and exponentially growing impatience, that’s a pretty cool thing.

Let’s Have Your Guesses…

So there you have it. We’re halfway through a pregnancy that’s already flown by, and I have no doubt that this second half is going to breeze along just as quickly. Now that we made it through our super-tempting-maybe-we-should-just-find-out ultrasound, the rest is easy. Though, I’m still waiting for all my antsy best friends to comment with: You’re annoying. And fine, I totally am. 🙂 But aren’t you at least proud of my self-discipline? I mean, WHO DO I THINK I AM keeping something this big a total surprise? BUT, we got baby’s very first 3D portrait, and this here is enough to keep me satisfied for the next 20 weeks. I mean, how f*cking cute? More of Malcolm? More of Bodhi? Favoring dad, or mom? It’s so fun to look at this sweet perfect face & make all the guesses. So what do you think…BOY, or GIRL?